Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Come share oat with me in your robe
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
