Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
