My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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