She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
