It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Randomize
