You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
