FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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