I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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