It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
