we're chasing vodka with high fives
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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