In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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