4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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