and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
It was confusing and full of hummus
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
