3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
