Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
false alarm. still invincible.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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