I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
