Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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