what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
