I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize