he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
