please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
