I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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