I think my fart just growled at me.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
