I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
