My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
