You're a womanizer and a bitch.
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize