You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
