no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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