its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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