I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
