What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
