i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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