you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
