Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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