She is in my trunk
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
