i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize