Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
