Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
