I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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