I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize