He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
you had me at cake vodka
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
