i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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