I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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