oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
