We're facebook friends in real life
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
nutella sex= disaster
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
