Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
