He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
