yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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