Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
