Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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