Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
