there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
