id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
