Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
