you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
