dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
