Your dad touched me again.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So much rum. So many feels.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize