a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Come share oat with me in your robe
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
