Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
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