i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
