just come out here and I will go home with you...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Houston, we have a blender
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize