wrigley field is MILF paradise
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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