Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
she smelled like a LAN party
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
