Umm I'm too high to move.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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