he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
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