I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
