girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
