Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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