we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
This can only be settled by a dance off.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
