I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
The struggles of a small town man whore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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