Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize