I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
