I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
